No, I’m not talking about birds and the bees kind of stuff. I’m talking about how did I get to this point in my life? Do you ever stop and think about that? I think as Christians it’s our duty to self-evaluate. So that’s what I’ve been doing. At church we had a class on Marriage, and friends, that class cut me. It opened up a lot of stuff that I wasn’t prepared for. I sat there ready to make a change. Ready to start being better. Then, nothing. I read my Bible once that evening and that was the extent of my “getting better.”
Last night I had a crying fit. It wasn’t the kind that anyone should be sorry for. It was pathetic and selfish. I woke up this morning the same question just burning in my mind, “how did I get here?” How did I get to the point of a stupid breakdown? How did I get to the place where work stresses me out that I dream about it at night? How did I get to the place where all I want to do is sit on the couch and watch Netflix? How did I lose all motivation to do anything? How did I get to the point where being with friends isn’t as fun as it used to be? Where reading your Bible is just a thing you do at church? Where every small inconvenience is something dramatic and awful? How did I get here?
Friends, I don’t know. I look back on who I was a year ago, two years ago, in college, etc… and I don’t see the same person. And in some cases that’s ok. I’ve grown and learned a lot since then, but in other cases, I’ve backslid. I’ve changed my attitude. I let stress take over and let discontent set in. I look at the Proverbs 31 woman and look at me and I look nothing like her. How did I get here?
It’s time for a change. It’s time to start putting in a real concentrated effort. I’m the person who got me in this mess, it’s time to get me out. It’s time to turn “how did I get here” into “look where God brought me!” So starting today I’m done complaining, I’m done being sour. I’m looking to God for strength. I’m going to work hard, worry less, write more, and read my Bible more. I know it’s not going to be easy. I know that some days it’s going to be really really hard. But with God it’s all worth it. Without Him we are nothing, we don’t have purpose. So, starting today, here’s my new motto: Less me, more God.